The Legend of October/ Wishcasting Wednesday

There's something about October, I'm afraid.

Don't get me wrong, I try hard not to hate a month, not to dread it's arrival. I want to see the good in it all. But there's something about October that frustrates and upsets me. This time, though, October hasn't just frustrated, it's whooped me good.

Like getting a root canal. And getting incredibly sick right before I had no choice but to finish the root canal. If you've ever had to try and sit still while trying not to cough, you know how hard that is. Now imagine having a coughing fit with a drill in your mouth. Scary, huh?

I was participating in a free (awesome) workshop to help organise the craft stash. It was brilliant, I loved it and was inspired to rock my space and bring it in line. And then everything went haywire. First there was the spider- huge huntsmen- which required fumigating my bedroom. Then multiple dentist trips. Then dealing with my best friend who was sick, and eventually getting the plague myself.

This week's Wishcasting Wednesday prompt over at Jamie Ridler Studios is What do you wish to let go of? What I feel called to let go of this week is the reason behind my October hate.

October? Yeah, that's my birth month. In the last five years, my birthday hasn't gone well. At all. There was the year my family got distracted and showed up 4 hours late because they went shopping. Not for presents or anything, they just went shopping. Then there was the year that all of my family cancelled at the last second, so no one came to my party. Then there was the year that we had a combined birthday party for the five people in my family born in October. There were four cakes- everyone had forgotten it was my birthday, too. Then there was the year my mother went to babysit, and ended up too sick to see me (which, in fairness, bothers me because it's a fairly regular thing for my Mum to cancel plans to go look after my cousins). This year, my sister was working, which bafflingly meant my mother couldn't spend the day with me.

For me, birthdays are meant to be about family. It's a day to share with people you love, and who love you. It's not about presents, but presence. And it hurts my inner child, and my outer grown up, to have our family tradition of spending time together cancelled so regularly.

The thing is, October is a great month. There's Halloween, which means funky lights and pretty art supplies. It's spring here, so there are flowers and butterflies and it's warm enough to go watch the waves or the ribbons of bats dancing through the twilight. Aside from the family issue, there's nothing bad about the month, and I'm tired of wincing at the thought of it. It's a twelfth of my year. A twelfth of my entire life is Octobers- that's a lot of years of wincing. I don't want to spend my Septembers drawing negativity to my Octobers, and it's quite obvious to me that I've done so this year.

So tonight, my wish is to let go of the hurt colouring October, so that I can embrace the beauty and happiness of the month. I want to learn to let go of the baggage, and embrace the positive rather than being dragged into the negative.

Here's to letting go.

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9 comments:

Pam said...

Aww... that all does sound just AWFUL!!! I particularly can relate to the whole family cancelling things on you thing... my mother does that to me all the time and it took me almost 36 years to stop hoping that she'd change.
I hope that you get your wish and that you can learn to let go of the hurts that colour this wonderful month.

April Cole said...

Oh sweet Phoenix... I feel you here! *hugs*
May your hurt & pain be blown away, by the winds of Fall...
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well. :]

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Wow, great wish. Let go of that baggage. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

Camilla said...

Let go of the baggage and embrace the positive.
Well said!

As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

msmiscellany said...

Letting go of hurt, so hard but so helpful.
As you wish for yourself, I wish also for you.

Sam said...

Here's to embracing the positive!! As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you!!

Paula - Buenos Aires said...

Oh! As a mom this post made me want to go and get all your family home (and in time) for you! What about the rest of the year? It sounds like quite a big issue.
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

Such a beautiful wish.... and yes, wincing for an entire month hurts, so much. Family remains the largest grief in my life as well. Among what I grieve is, they probably have no idea how much I grieve it.

So! As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also... wish, wish, wish, wish, wish right with you.

V. said...

I also wish for you to let go of the negativity surrounding October for you.

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